The Floater
In December, I received a wild message from James Fricker at Mr. President, a marketing agency. They had an idea for a surfboard made of polluted water from Cornwall's beaches, and they wanted my help. After winning the Vissla Upcycle contest with the Daytime Robber, a board made from old bodyboards and fishing nets, I couldn't resist taking on another crazy concept. Mr P then approached SAS to be part of the collaboration and help us with the stunt. It was key to all that this board represented the waste from the ocean, but didn't create any further waste, whilst also being surfable, so I came up with a recycled foam board that incorporated ocean muck.
The Sewage problem is getting worse here in Cornwall. The corporate companies have been getting away with it for too long. There was been many times I've been in the water for a couple of hours, got out of the water and look over the sea to find it brown as hell. The trick is - get a cola down you. The chemicals in it seem to bleach the system - although i'm no scientist!
I was really enjoying a single fin I made for myself at the time, which I call the "extraterrestrial jellyfish." It's got an almost finless vibe to it with a unique aesthetic. I printed a recycled plastic blank after drawing the template on my computer, then added AI-generated holes for weight and plastic reduction, and after glassing both sides and foiling, it came alive. It's definitely a head-turner in the car park! It was this that inspired an idea for The Floater.
I suggested cutting two big holes in the foam blank and filling them with crap. Mr. P and SAS loved the idea, but then they talked about having Ben Skinner ride it. Whatever I made had to be on his wavelength. I decided to use my epic Roger Cooper classic 7'2" thruster, a hand me down from my Uncle Daz, as a template for "The Floater" and made it a 2+1. Now, it's time to get to work!
I ordered a 7'4" recycled PU blank from Echo Surf Supply and headed to Seabase to gather the remaining materials. Meanwhile, I spent time designing and 3D printing custom plugs, boxes, and a 7 inch single fin plastic blank with an even bigger hole this time, all made from recycled plastic. But one major hurdle was how to enclose the polluted water without it leaking into the blank. That's when I came up with the idea of recycled plastic guards, which I printed in two parts and glued together to cover the full length of the desired hole shape, which was inspired by the outline of the board blank. The next challenge was cutting the massive holes out of the blank, and let me tell you, it was a cringe and squeaky bum moment for sure. This was probably the hardest part of the process. After installing the sewage guards, I glassed the bottom deck with plant-based epoxy mixed with plenty of excrement, sand, and rocks. I had hoped that if I pulled the glass tight enough, it would bridge the holes. I had to avoid using the bad mix of resin in that specific area if I wanted the windows to be clear, so the odds were totally against me. It worked like a charm at the workshop, but the morning after, it was a different story. The resin had pooled in the middle of the hole, causing it to sag big time.
After a couple of days figuring out how to gain back the natural shape of the underside, I was back on track. I had learned some tough lessons on the bottom deck and was ready to glass the top deck with a different game plan. Firstly, I added a small pool of epoxy at the bottom of the hole to seal off any potential leaks between the underside glass, foam, and sewage guard. Then, I made two separate window panes of fiberglass and epoxy and installed them before glassing the top deck. This meant that the window was nice and stiff for the main glassing, and I could concentrate on getting a solid seal as there was no access from behind once this was installed. If only I had done this in the first place! Using even more pollution in the mix (How much crap is too much crap?), I glassed the main deck ultra brown. It was gross!
Once the board had fully cured, I drilled a hole and started filling up the cavity with the sewage we found lurking on the beaches, especially some solids from the Porthtowan stream. We added 2L of mixed sewage, About 1.07L in each window. Then added a little patch of glass over the top, and it was all sealed nicely. The next morning, picking up that board was crazy! The noise and the feeling was truly bonkers. It was so nose heavy that my confidence in this thing being a wave ripper had depleted. Then I found out for sure that Ben Skinner was actually riding this thing... sorry, Ben! Finally, it was a case of installing the plugs and boxes. I chose transparent plastic, which really shows off the Polyola blank nicely.
Finally, after many sleepless weeks, the Floater was complete. By this time, the concept seemed so normal to me, but to the other guys in the workshop, it was unbelievable. Even Mr. President couldn't believe it. I added the interactive single fin and the Benthos Surf "Holy Bite" sides to complete the 2+1 setup.
It was time to test it out.
The Mr. President team came down to Cornwall to direct two days of filming. We all gathered at Markie Lascelles HQ, St.Agnes, where we met the SAS team, SW Productions, Karl Markie for stills, and James Davies for in-water shots. Ben was the first to try out the board, he couldn't believe what he was holding. He described it as "rank," but that was to be expected. The waves were clean, and with no one else out, we suited up. Ben paddled out and caught a wave, and to my relief, the board floated and he was ripping it. He rode it down the line, and I was losing my mind behind the GoPro lens. Markie Lascelles and I had our turns as well, and we were all impressed by the delayed recoil we got off the turns as the sewage sloshed back and forth. We added a whole new physic to surfboard. I was happy enough just to cruise down the line and loved the added weight. The PU/Epoxy combo gave it a solid feel.
At one point, Skinner's kids were out in the lineup, and Markie Lascelles chased them around on the board while they screamed "EWWW, GET THAT AWAY!”. It was epic to see them both ripping the "Holy Bite" side bites too.
The board is now being used in the SAS dirty money campaign to raise awareness of the current dire situation and it will be traveling to parliament when the big discussion happens. I hope that this board can promote the cause and lead to change in government legislation to stop the big water companies from dumping their waste to save a few bucks once and for all. A big shout out to James Davies for the help, Lee Gatharthy for the workshop, Jake Smith, and James Fricker of the Mr. P squad for keeping the stoke alive when times were tough!
P.S. You can polish a turd!
